That night not so easy to forget..

Hatice: Anne, sen uyu..ben sana bakarım
(Anne, u go to sleep..i will look after u)
Like a mother tending to her child, she kissed n spoke to me softly..

I could do nothing..The end result of carrying baddin for 2 days while we walked n spent time with halil...humungous..muscle pain..

I took minoset (something like panadol)..a mild pain reliever... It should be enough for me since even the mildest of medicine affects me very quickly. It didnt. ..Stupid me.... on top of that..i took tylolhot pediatric.. another medicine.. it shouldnt be strong coz it is meant for kids but minoset n tylolhot ..2 in one left me...drowsy... i was drugged.. whatever sound that the kids made came to my ears as if i was in a different land.. when halil called, i spoke to him ..yet.. not knowing what i spoke...i must have sounded terrible..he was worried of me..he kept calling me every hour..secrectly from where he was... not caring if his komutant caught him using the phone..

i cant remember the exact time... i was drowsy..i think perhaps 2.30am??.. both baddin n hatice were awake...still awake at that time.. after 2 days of outing..walkin.. n they were not tired n sleepy?? The normal simah would have found this very weird..she would even scold the kids. But that drowsy simah could only give *evet (yes)* as an answer to questions posed...

At one time.. i was still drowsy..hatice n baddin still awake... hatice told me...
*Anne.. banyodan ses var..bak sana*
(Anne.. there is a sound from the bathroom..go n look)

At first i just said evet..drowsily..then i heard the sound too...with great effort..i headed to the bathroom..before i could enter the bathroom.. a man my height came out from the bathroom...

That jerked me up from my drowsiness totally. In his hands, there was this one very sharp n shiny knife..(like the 1st knife in the picture but much bigger)

Both hatice n baddin who were sitting on the bed started to cry..

The man: Para ver (give money)
He was pointing the knife at me....


i sensed a bit of panic when he saw the kids were crying..

Me: Param yok. Kocamdan ister
(I have no money. U ask from my husband)

I replied..Glaring at him..trying to be fierce as possible so that he wont focus his attention on my kids.

The man: Kocan nerede?
(Where is ur husband?)
The man asked in a village accent turkish.

Me: Kocam askerde. Çık buradan. Param yok.
(My husband is in the military. Get out of here. I have no money)

I opened the door for him to get out Face still very stern n fierce.The kids were crying still. The guy saw my handphone at the charger n asked for the phone.

I knew that if i didnt give him something, he would not leave the room. I immediately gave him the handphone... n showed him to the door. That bloody man started to roam my butt....the kids still crying...

I turned to face him...glared at him..with a face of volcanic anger..i told him..

*sen beni elemezsın. Tek kocam beni ellebilir... çık buradan!*
(U cannot touch me. Only my husband can touch me. Get out of here)

And with that he left the room.

I quickly dressed up..bundled the kids up... knocked the room across us where my sister yana was staying..The kids still crying...went down to the reception downstairs to report of the intrusion.. my kids still calling for anne...n went back to yana's room...locked the room n told my sister of what had happened.

It turned out that my sister had this feeling that something bad was going to happen... she couldnt sleep. She was awake n heard my conversation with the bloody man after i opened the door...she was scared n did not open her door to see why...The kids had that feelings too... that was why they didnt sleep that night...Police came after that..but since nothing was stolen except for my handphone..no one was physically injured, n we were to return to istanbul in the morning, i told the police to let the case rest....i just wanted to go home..

Halil tried to call me from his training camp.. ..he was worried .. he couldnt reach me. The man must have turned off my stolen handphone. Halil was panicked when he could not reach me... later from his roomate, he got the number of the place we were staying. He got thru me... he was shocked to hear of what had happened. Not really believing that none of us were hurt. .....Thruout that ordeal... not once i showed to the bloody man or the police or to my kids n my little sister that i was scared..i kept cool.. i was their pillar.I had to be brave n strong for them. But hearing the voice of concern from this one pillar of my life as he frantically begged me to tell him what had happened..... for the first time after that man left..i cried my heart's out to my hayatım....wishing he was there to hug me....

We slept at yana's room till morning....Yana couldnt sleep at all...there she was watching me n the kids sleep (from mental exhaustion)..... n in her one hand... a spray..just in case...We left very early the next day... ..

Yes..that is one experience during that one last time we went to visit halil in izmir (850km from istanbul) while he was doing his compulsory military service. Alhamdulillah, 2 weeks after that he returned to istanbul for the rest of his military service...n Alhamdulillah that one is also over...

When i was facing the man... my only thoughts were of my kids. How shall i protect them..?? Can u imagine... a man suddenly appearred out of ur bathroom??? I was stupid perhaps to become so stern with the man...i dunno...the man himself must have been an amateur to accept or to believe that i had no money....to panic to see the kids cried..the things above happened exactly as i had written above...All i can say is.... Allah bize korudu (Allah had protected us)..there is no other explanation for that easy escape from that man... he could have done anything but he didnt.. we were safe..so as to speak..

The window of the bathroom was unclosed.. that was my fault.. i was in pain then.. i could not remember to close the window....but then the open window should not have been evident at all since there is the shutter...the man had climbed up there ..used the knife to make a hole ..big enough to fit him thru the shutter..wide enough for him to break in..

Can u image if something had happened? i was the one in charge. ..hatice n baddin.. if anything had happened to them....i shall never forgive myself...and somehow i am thankful that the man did not enter my sister's room opposite us. Can u imagine what would have happened?? She was alone in the room.. not knowing turkish... furthermore...she is easily scared.. bla bla bla.. imagine a guy with a knife entering her room... that day..it was my room that man entered..n my sister was very terribly affected....i shudder to think... apa mau jawab sama mak kalau adik kesayanganku tu jadi apa apa??

Hatice n baddin? That incident i think have affected them psychologically to a great extent... they were scared most of the times esp after that night...Today, they r better..but nowadays... hatice is very sensitive to sounds especially while she is trying to sleep..any sound will increase her fear.. i think she still remembers that night though she doesnt say it much.. baddin? his is lesser but he is definitely afraid of the dark....that incident does disturb them to some extent..i really hope this will pass...in time..

I? I am no coward but after that day.. Whenever halil is away for the night..like this weekend...sleeping alone at night is something difficult to do...like hatice..i am sensitive to any sound that disturbs the quietness of night...a drop of water....footsteps...any sound.. when i sleep alone (if i sleep at all)... i tend to wake up scared though i know not what i dream...

It is different to have a man around.. u trust him to protect u... Now my man is not at home..i need to overcome this fear..sooner or later.... i know i will..time will tell..